Just to let you guys know that things are slowly improving.
We're 90% sure that I've been suffering from a particularly nasty bout of IBS. (I didn't even know it could get that painful. Seriously. Like fishhooks pulling on your insides.)
It's still all rather tender but through the careful application of Gaviscon, Buscopan and warm baths everything is calming down bit by bit.
I can also eat some things now! Hooraaaaaaaay!
I am currently feasting on a diet of boiled eggs, plain liquidised porridge, and plain chicken or fish with white rice and mashed carrots. (To those that asked, bananas are still a resounding no.)
Fingers crossed I'll be able to add some other things after a week or so.
Since this happened whilst trying to build up to another detox my clinic and I have decided to shelve that while my gut recovers and work on keeping my symptoms on a level throughout the month.