Wednesday, 7 February 2018

What an ME Crash looks like

Hello my lovely loves,

Today I am firmly pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and showing you something that I never thought I would.
A while ago I asked if people would be interested in seeing what an ME energy crash and its subsequent recovery process looks like, and people overwhelmingly said yes.

I’m a little nervous, and I was going to try and schedule this as next month’s post, but now I’ve done it I kind of want to rip off the plaster and show it straight away.

I was massively inspired by the incredible Jennifer Brea and the other sufferers who created the film Unrest, which follows Jennifer’s struggle with ME/CFS.
She (and they) made it feel like it wasn’t just ok, but good and right to show people what I, and so many others, deal with on a regular basis.
And I’ve got to say, the respect I felt only increased as I attempted to document what happened during my last abrupt crash in December. It is incredibly difficult to be upfront and so, so honest, and still find the strength to carry on.

In the end I only filmed for four days of the two weeks of my crash and return to my normal levels, so it’s truly mind blowing that Jen and the other people in the film showed so much.

I showed the video to a select few for feedback on its completion, and there was a very unexpected response. (Although perhaps it shouldn’t have been.)
Pretty much everyone said it showed just how long it takes to recover.
They’re not wrong, but it made me realised how different my view of recovery time and theirs is so drastically different.
Two weeks is nothing. I was genuinely proud of it taking just two weeks to get back to my normal, if limited level.
I remember months and months of being stuck in stasis, when I hadn’t learned how to manage this condition, when it was so much worse.
And I’m far from the most severe of sufferers.

In a way that’s horrifying, but I hope that in others it might make it easier for you to watch what I’ve created.
It might not look it but this is better than it was.

I hope that this helps you understand a little more how it’s works, what it’s like, and why I try to keep so ruthlessly upbeat!

I can only apologise that it's shot in portrait mode - I obviously wasn't very well when I started to record footage, and by the time I realised I had done it wrong it was a little late! So I kept it all in portrait. Also, some people with slower internet speeds may find the visuals lag behind the sound towards the end of the video. Just reload or drag the slider along to a random point and it should sort itself out.

If you have questions you know where I am. 

If you want a greater explanation of how a crash feels to me then I’ve written a blog post here on the subject called The Good, The Bad, and The Payback. I love me a catchy title.

For the ME Association head here.

For Unrest on iTunes and Amazon head here and here, and head to Netflix to watch it on there.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing this intimate view of your day-to-day life after a crash. I hope that it has the reach and impact you want after the vulnerability you had to expose in making it. You're constantly in my thoughts, Hannah! Miss your face! :D <3