Monday, 14 May 2018

SP ME Symptoms and Tips: Pain, Part One

PART ONE - PART TWO


Hello my lovely loves!

I wasn't planning on posting again so soon, but as it's ME Awareness Month and I'd just finished this piece, I thought I’d jump back into the Symptoms and Tips series this month, with a look at pain in ME/CFS, and how I deal with it.

It's a fairly large one again (as the symptoms and tips pieces often are), so I'll post the rest tomorrow.


I’m actually quite lucky when to comes to pain as a symptom; I do have it, but not nearly as much as most other sufferers. Although saying that makes me nervous about jinxing it! 
It feels a bit strange to be writing about it when so many other people have it worse than me, but ignoring it completely is entirely unhelpful. That said, if you suffer from severe pain and want to add anything you’ve found helpful in the comments then please feel free.
There are a couple of things I want to say before we really get into it though. 


There is a real stigma around pain: men are told to “man up” and women are considered to be overreacting. (The number of women who have nearly died because they had abdominal pains they knew weren’t right and were told “having period pain is normal” is genuinely horrifying.) Complaining about pain is considered to be whining, and feeling it in the first place is often considered a weakness.
This, my friend, is a giant pile of cobblers.
Pain is a natural response. It is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. It’s easy for people to be flippant about other people’s pain, because they’re not the ones in pain. There is no shame or weakness in feeling pain, complaining about pain, or needing help and relief from pain.

Do not be ashamed to take painkillers. We will be discussing other methods of pain-relief and control in this post but accepting prescribed chemical help is not a weakness, and punishing yourself with pain helps no one. Talk to your doctor about what pain killer is right for you.
Amybtripyline, Naproxen, Gabapentin, Co-codamol, Co-drydamol, Pizotifen, Solpadol, Tramadol, Nortryptaline and Morphine are all prescribed in the treatment of pain for ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia (although obviously not all together!). There is bound to be something that works for you if over the counter medications like Paracetamol and Ibuprofen aren't working, so talk to your doctor.
You can try topical painkillers like Phorpain Gel if oral painkillers don’t work well, or need to be supplemented (with advice from a doctor); or even try other types of paracetamol like effervescent paracetamol to see if that works better for your body.


Conversely, if you decide pain medication isn’t right for you, then that’s fine too. It’s your body, and your choice. Just make sure you’re refusing it for the right reasons instead of what others might think of you.

I know a lot of people worry about becoming dependent on pain medication. It’s possible, so it’s good that you’re aware of it, but with proper care and support this should be less of an issue. 
If anything, being nervous about it is probably going to make you notice any changes in your behaviour quicker. 
And in the unlikely event it does happen, again, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and they are plenty of other medications, and support available.

In the end, you should always double check your pain killer usage with a doctor, ESPECIALLY if you’re on anti-depressants. 
(One thing I learned is to NEVER mix anti-inflammatory pain medications with anti-depressants that specifically say you can’t.
Anti-depressant usage can make your body more acidic over time, and using anti-flammatories with that can give you real problems, including an excruciating case of gastritis, as I found to my detriment.
I’ve mention this before, but it’s always worth reiterating, and a month or more only living on unsweetened, liquidised porridge (because it’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt your stomach) will soon teach you not to be flippant about doctor’s orders.)



A lot of the things I use to deal with pain are the same for several different types of pain. I’ll list the types of pain I get first and then the remedies, but only fully explain them the first time to avoid a ridiculously long, repetitive article, but general things that might help:


Check Side Effects

An obvious one, but check your medications and see if there are any specific types of pain listed that you have. If they started after use, then maybe see if there’s something else you can try.


Allow yourself to be angry

Being in pain is frustrating and you have a right to be annoyed. Have a shout into a pillow, mutter to yourself profusely, and have a stomp about if you can.
If you let it out you’ll probably feel a bit better. Plus, not bottling it up means you’re less likely to take it out on any innocent bystanders.

If your rage results in flying knives (for some reason) 
then maybe give this tip a miss.
(Thanks Google Image Search. You never disappoint.)

You might find EFT or Tapping, useful for releasing anger. 
There’s a lot of talk about how tapping can actually help pain, but, as much as I love this tool, I’m sceptical about that aspect of its use.
It is however, GREAT at letting you get out all the emotions about your pain out, and that can be very useful.

There are lots of videos on Tapping on YouTube, and the least irritating tutor on there seems to be Brad Yates
(Unfortunately a lot of people who talk about tapping sound like their going to break into a long chat about crystals and rain dances afterwards, but if you can get past that it’s really helpful. I think it helps that I learnt from a no-nonsense Scottish woman.)


Don’t fight it

Most people tense when they’re in pain, which is fine, because ow, but it doesn’t help the pain, and can actually make it worse. 
If all your other muscles are tensing because you’re fighting the pain then those muscles can start to hurt as well. Try to breathe into it.

I realise it’s easy for me to say this over in Camp I-Don’t-Get-Pain-As-Bad-As-Most-Sufferers, but my period pain is definitely on the more severe end of normal and I find it useful for that.

Mindfulness mediation is good, especially ones designed to deal with stuff like this. Try the book Mindfulness for Health and it’s accompanying meditations. There are all sorts of meditations and visualisations around designed to help with pain.

I was extremely sceptical of this at first, and to be honest sometimes it’s still hard to remember to do, but when I do it can be helpful. If there’s a chance it might help, then it’s worth a try.


Pain Management Clinics

I haven’t been to one, but I know they exist and can be helpful to those with chronic pain. As far as I can tell it’s really more about management than cure, so keep your expectations realistic, but the more you know the easier you might find things. 
Even if you only gain one piece of useful knowledge, it’s something.
Talk to your GP for information on your local clinic.


And now to the types of pain I get! (Yay?)


Joint Pain AKA Bone Pain

My great-aunt used to have a budgie. Apart from being incredibly noisy it also had a cuttlebone that it would scrape on continuously. That is how my joint pain feels; like something is scraping on my bones. It’s kind of a dull ache that builds on itself in waves until it a sharpness is added to it. Although it’s more of a full parrot than a budgie.

Dat beak tho.

There are two levels of this pain for me; parrot and angle-grinder. As you can imagine, if a beak scraping on your bones is painful an angle grinder is excruciating.


It’s incredibly similar to arthritic pain, according to my mum. We both get joint pain in our hands, but I get it in my hips the most frequently.


Keep Warm

The main way I deal with this one is by keeping warm. 
If I get cold it takes hours to get warm again, and I feel it right down to my bones. I can pretty much guarantee that I’ll get joint pain when I try to sleep if that happens. 

(I tend to get pain the most when I’m overtired, having a crash, or it’s cold. I get through at least twice the amount of pain killers in the winter as I do in the summer.)

Keep wherever usually hurts toasty; double up on leggings, cart out the hot water bottles, have warm baths, and fish out the arm warmers.
Also, when we’re in pain we tend to tense our muscles, which inadvertently causes more discomfort. Keeping warm keeps the muscles relaxed as much as possible to avoid further pain. 

(On the topic of keeping warm, you might want to check out infrared saunas. These are available for home use, and unlike regular saunas, only heat you, not the surrounding area. There are meant to be a great deal of benefits to use, and while I haven’t used this myself, several people mentioned them to me in my research as something that has helped them, so worth a look for more persistent pain!)


Painkillers

I also use painkillers for this. If I’m lucky two paracetamol is enough. I’ve also been prescribed Cocodamol for when two hot water bottles aren’t cutting it.
The only problem with this is that I’ve never taken it before, and I usually get most of my pain at night, so we’re waiting until I get pain in the day so I can try it when there’s someone around to make sure I don’t have a bad reaction to it.
You also can’t take it with paracetamol, so I can’t try that first and then take the Cocodamol if it’s not working. I’ll keep you posted with how it goes.


Correct bedding

If you’re getting pain at night, you might also want to look at your sleeping arrangements and see if there’s anything that needs updating or changing. 
Try different pillows to help neck and shoulder pain - I used this shaped foam one from Dunelm and that’s really helped my neck.

Also, find out how old your mattress is and when the last time it was turned is. A lot of mattresses need regular turning to help maintain their shape and reduce sagging, and all mattress are meant to be replaced after about ten years of use.

Finally, bear in mind that although “orthopaedic” mattresses sound like the most medically helpful, it’s actually just an industry term for a hard mattress. If you have joint pain, specifically hip pain, then it could be that you need a softer mattress that puts less pressure on your joints.
I covered this a bit in my N:REM review here, but my hip pain is significantly better since I switched to a softer mattress. 
It might mean spending some money, but if you’re able to do it, then it will likely make a difference to your pain, which will have a knock on effect with your energy levels. A lot of places allow you to pay in instalments as well.

Placing a pillow between your knees can also take pressure off your hips. Being of the hippy persuasion (not the hippie persuasion), I’ve done this for years, and it’s really helpful.

Similarly, think about the support your sofa and other chairs are giving you. If you have ME/CFS chances are you’re having to lie down a lot on either a bed or a sofa. If you notice that you pain worsens when you’re on a certain piece of furniture, then it may mean that it isn’t suitable for your needs.


Other things that might be useful for joint pain are:


Epsom Salts

Lots of people suggest bathing with Epsom Salts for muscle and joint pain. It’s not something I’ve tried yet, but it’s relatively cheap so it may be a good thing to try.


Magnesium

Magnesium is available in topical form (gel/sprays), flakes to dissolve in baths and as an oral supplement. Some people swear by it. I’ve not noticed much difference when I’ve used my spray, but to be honest I usually forget to use it, and I think it’s something you’re meant to use regularly. I’m going to try adding flakes to my baths and see if regular use makes a difference.


CBD Oil

CBD Oil is a cannabis derivative that lacks the psychoactive part of cannabis that gives you a high. Cannabis, in all it’s forms, is said to be very effective as pain relief, and it’s slowly becoming more available around the world.
Non-psychoactive oils are legal in the UK and available in various health food shops like Holland and Barrett, and online.
There are different types and apparently it can take a bit of time to find the right type and dose that work  for you. It is currently quite expensive, though, so bear that in mind.


TENS Machines

TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) Machines work by applying electrodes on sticky patches to different areas of the body and then sending a mild current to those areas. This confuses the nerve endings and makes it more difficult for the body to process pain. It feels a little odd, as you’re essentially electrocuting yourself at a really low level, but as long as you start slowly it can actually feel quite nice. 
Like a massage from a tiny robot.



These are good if you have specific areas that you need to target, and can also be used as a form of gentle exercise for the muscles if used correctly.

If using a TENS machine, remember to put the sticky pads either side of the painful area, and don’t have it turned on while placing them. You also shouldn’t let the sticky patches touch while the TENS machine is on.
Start slowly, and you’ll feel a slight tingle, which will increase as you turn it up. Never turn it up to a point that is uncomfortable for you.

There are many types of TENS Machines on the market. Mine is just a simple one from Amazon.

There are also bigger brand names like Quell and Oska Pulse. Although based around the same technology they work slightly differently.

Quell is strapped a specific part of the lower leg no matter the area of the pain and its designed to stimulate enough nerves at once that the body releases it’s own pain relieving chemicals.

Oska Pulse is another device which utilises electromagnetic fields to try and stimulate the body to release it’s own chemicals to deal with pain. It’s placed on or near the area of pain and, unlike the other devices, there isn’t a pulse or tingling feeling.
My friend Laura Chamberlain, over at Laura’s Pen, has done a review of the Oska, which you can check out here.

I’d love to give these two devices a try so I could compare them for you, but they are much pricier than regular TENS machines and I’m afraid I’m not able to afford it. For now I’ll have to let you decide which tiny robot masseuse you go for.


Keep hydrated

Around each joint is something called synovial fluid, which is basically the body’s natural joint lubrication. Keeping yourself hydrated maintains this fluid and keeps the joint moving easily and without friction, which should help lessen pain.


----


Okay! Come back again tomorrow for part two where we jump into muscle pain. Let joy be unconfined.


PART ONE - PART TWO

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Why you should really play Hogwarts Mystery

Full disclosure. I am a massive Harry Potter fan. I’ve read the books so much that the pages are falling out, and I’m still kind of pissed I never got my Hogwarts letter. So of course when the Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery game came out and I could get finally my wand and board the Hogwarts Express I was on it like a car bonnet.


A couple of days into the game I started to see posts online of people getting incredibly frustrated with how low the player’s energy level is and how long it takes to complete tasks.
Players have to stop and wait for four minutes for the characters timer to gain another energy point before continuing.
Larger tasks with greater rewards can take all day.

They are down right incredulous to find out it takes energy to “take a break” or “rest”.








Many are calling for the game to be altered to make the game easier to play and more realistic.
But, the thing is, the energy restrictions had barely registered for me, because that IS how I live my life. That’s how millions of us live our lives when we’re chronically ill. It’s perfectly normal for me to have to stop what I’m doing because I don’t have enough energy.
I have a condition that means my cells can’t produce energy like it should.
I can’t work, I can’t watch TV, I can only see one friend a month, and I haven’t left the house in three and a half years. There are hundreds of thousands more just like me.



As for the “resting” issue, what most people consider rest and relaxation, like watching tv or playing a game on your phone for example, is another tiring activity for sufferers.
For us, resting is lying down in a darkened room trying to do nothing but concentrate on our breathing, because it’s the only way our energy levels recoup.



What JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, and Jam City have inadvertently done is make a perfect example of what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. They're hardly the first to do so, but it seems as if they're the ones people have the greatest response to.
As frustrating as it might be for some people, I hope they don’t change it.
It might give them an idea of what it’s like to do it in real life.

Monday, 23 April 2018

Tiny Hannah Returns! My Step-Dad's 70th

Hello my lovely loves!

I originally posted this by accident on my illustration blog, and have only just noticed. Smooth move, Radenkova.
In any case, after the last post's pretty heavy offerings we have something a little lighter! Tiny Hannah is back from America!
She'll be going back over and continuing her travels later in the year, but I wanted her home for my step-dad's 70th. She also has a couple of weddings to attend in the UK this summer so stay tuned for that!

H

 A familiar shadow falls across the village of Tilney St Lawrence


 The wanderer returns!


 TH dresses for the occasion (and helps with the party bags)
(Yes, I made party bags for a 70th birthday. What of it?)


 Mum and David scrub up rather well too.


 And there's this rather epic cake to look forward to for tea


 If she has room after the massaman curry of course


 And the chocolate-hazelnut dessert of dreams


 Group photo!


Deep discussions are held


  Leslie decides to become TH's fairy godfather
(See, *this* is why you make party bags for 70th birthdays.)


 Home time!

Wednesday, 7 February 2018

What an ME Crash looks like

Hello my lovely loves,

Today I am firmly pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and showing you something that I never thought I would.
A while ago I asked if people would be interested in seeing what an ME energy crash and its subsequent recovery process looks like, and people overwhelmingly said yes.

I’m a little nervous, and I was going to try and schedule this as next month’s post, but now I’ve done it I kind of want to rip off the plaster and show it straight away.

I was massively inspired by the incredible Jennifer Brea and the other sufferers who created the film Unrest, which follows Jennifer’s struggle with ME/CFS.
She (and they) made it feel like it wasn’t just ok, but good and right to show people what I, and so many others, deal with on a regular basis.
And I’ve got to say, the respect I felt only increased as I attempted to document what happened during my last abrupt crash in December. It is incredibly difficult to be upfront and so, so honest, and still find the strength to carry on.

In the end I only filmed for four days of the two weeks of my crash and return to my normal levels, so it’s truly mind blowing that Jen and the other people in the film showed so much.

I showed the video to a select few for feedback on its completion, and there was a very unexpected response. (Although perhaps it shouldn’t have been.)
Pretty much everyone said it showed just how long it takes to recover.
They’re not wrong, but it made me realised how different my view of recovery time and theirs is so drastically different.
Two weeks is nothing. I was genuinely proud of it taking just two weeks to get back to my normal, if limited level.
I remember months and months of being stuck in stasis, when I hadn’t learned how to manage this condition, when it was so much worse.
And I’m far from the most severe of sufferers.

In a way that’s horrifying, but I hope that in others it might make it easier for you to watch what I’ve created.
It might not look it but this is better than it was.

I hope that this helps you understand a little more how it’s works, what it’s like, and why I try to keep so ruthlessly upbeat!

I can only apologise that it's shot in portrait mode - I obviously wasn't very well when I started to record footage, and by the time I realised I had done it wrong it was a little late! So I kept it all in portrait. Also, some people with slower internet speeds may find the visuals lag behind the sound towards the end of the video. Just reload or drag the slider along to a random point and it should sort itself out.

If you have questions you know where I am. 





If you want a greater explanation of how a crash feels to me then I’ve written a blog post here on the subject called The Good, The Bad, and The Payback. I love me a catchy title.

For the ME Association head here.

For Unrest on iTunes and Amazon head here and here, and head to Netflix to watch it on there.

Friday, 2 February 2018

Why "What if" makes no sense

Hello my lovely loves.

A friend recently said to me that it must be difficult knowing my life would have been so different if I hadn’t got ill, and it got me thinking.

Firstly, yes. Sometimes I look at people's photos online of their happy relationships, beautiful children, incredible career achievements and amazing trips abroad, and, as happy as I am for them (and I genuinely am), it’s still utterly excruciating. 
It hurts so much that my life is so different to what I thought it would be.

There have definitely been occasions where I wonder where I’d be now if I wasn’t sick, or even if I wasn’t housebound. Would I have met someone? Be having a family? Working at some amazing job? Going on my own adventures? And thinking about that, measuring myself to what might have been, and what others already have, is pretty soul destroying.

But there’s a problem with all of this.
Maybe I would have a beautiful, magical life where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but... I also could have been hit by lightning, run over by a bus, or fatally mauled in a freak llama-related incident.



Something people (myself included) tend to forget, is that just because things are bad now, doesn’t mean it would’ve been better if this one thing hadn’t happened.
It could also be as bad, if not worse than it is now. I could be dead; and then, even though all the things I want out of life seem so far away and unlikely, I definitely NEVER would have done them.
After all, there is no hope if you’re not here to have it.

The same holds true for the future. It’s so easy to assume that because you have an illness you never expected or planned for, it must mean that everything in the future will be worse than it would have been. But... why should that be true?
It certainly feels true sometimes, I’m not arguing with that, but just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is.
We don’t know what will happen. That can be really scary.
But it also means that maybe there will still be sunshine and rainbows, even if right now it’s bloody tipping it down.

Everyone has their ways of coping with the What Ifs. Mourning the life you had, or might’ve had, is itself a very important step. I know some people become very religious, some practise yoga, become activists, or just get very, very angry. Those are all valid, and if they help you then that’s all anyone could ask for.
But I imagine that I’ve narrowly avoided an ignominious end at the hands (or hooves) of a pack of rabid llamas. 
Maybe you should give it a try.



Tuesday, 16 January 2018

Stars and Struggles

Hello my lovely loves,

I’ve been feeling really down at the moment. January and February are always tough because they’re cold, grey, and everyone is making plans and getting on with their lives while I’m... not.
But today I got some lovely things in the post. A belated Christmas present from my lovely friends Greg and Bee (Oliver Jeffers is my favourite illustrator), a card from my fellow Spoonie Warrior Amy W, and a ring I bought myself.



I’ve always wanted a star ring. I have a massive star fixation, and always hoped that one day I’d have one.
I also sold my beautiful guitar and amp in December. That guitar was my 18th birthday present, and while I was glad it’s gone to a good home (and now lives with someone who can actually play more than three chords on it), part of me was really sad that I didn’t have anything left of my 18th birthday gift from my parents. 

Live well, sweet Angus.

So I used some of the money from that to buy this beautiful ring from Carrie Elizabeth

So ring. Much sparkle.


I only really like small, thin rings, especially on me, so it’s perfect.
It’s slightly big, but they didn’t have any extra smalls left in stock, and to be honest on my ring finger it’s a bit... engagementy. And god knows the only bloke I see on a regular basis that I’m not related to is the postman. So middle finger it is.


It feels very strange to buy myself something that feels this frivolous, mainly because I feel like some stranger is going to jump out of the woodwork and berate me for spending my benefit money “incorrectly”. 

Usually if I buy something that has no practical use it’s in preparation for when I’m well enough to be back in the world again, and I find that easier to justify.
If something’s expensive then it’s inevitably related to managing my condition anyway.

But, a. it’s not benefit money - I sold something very dear to me, and b. why would it be anyone’s business but mine what I spend my money on anyway?

I’m trying really hard at this point not to go into a rant about internalised shame caused by society’s atrocious way of looking at the sick, poor and disabled as scroungers and liars rather than those who need help. It’ll only upset me and I need the spare energy.


When I spoke to Mum about it, she pointed out to me that I’ve been slogging this long slog for over five years now. Five long years. And frankly I just feel exhausted with it. Particularly at the moment. Everything is a fight. Everything has consequences. And nothing is ever spontaneous or easy. Ever.
But this?
I chose this. And I chose it (for me) quite spontaneously.
And I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.


So shine on, little sparkle. I’m going to need you to light the way while I keep on fighting the good fight.

H

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Homemade Christmas presents 2017

Hello my lovely loves!

This post is a little look into this year's secret projects that I've made for friends and family as Christmas presents.
It's always so hard for me to keep them secret this long, but I've managed it!

In other news I've managed pretty well throughout Christmas and New Year this year, so hooray! I managed to (mostly) keep a lid on the excitement, but I'm putting some feelers out for further support ideas and resources on over-excitement that I can share with you guys in the future. Fingers crossed that'll all come through!

I've got a little bit of post-Christmas blues at the moment, although instead of being centred around having to go back to work, it's about not being able to! The thought of projects and ideas for the blog is keeping me going though, as well as some very thoughtful little advent presents from friends that I've saved just for this purpose.

But enough of me blabbing, on to the projects!



This is for my very clever poet friend, Leanne Moden. 
We've often joked that her correct title is Lexical Engineer. 
You should totally check out Leanne's blog.



This one was also for Leanne.
There is something incredibly satisfying about 
carefully cross stitching feminist slogans.



This one was for my friend Nick Askew, 
who is a brilliant artist and massive Eddie Izzard fan.
Again, cross stitching skulls and death is very pleasing.
Subversive cross stitch for the win.

Made extra pleasing by the fact that 
"cake or cat" is hidden in there...


For a variety of friends and family:
a variety of corn dollie christmas decorations...



Craft straws never looked so good.


And finally, my personal favourite... scented butterbeer candles.
They smell like butterscotch and come complete 
with handmade labels designed by me.
It was very difficult to give these away.


Some are in jars.

Some are in mini milk bottles.

All smell incredible.

And I had so much fun designing the label.